Twinkle Khanna's Tailored Parenting Approach for Son Aarav and Daughter Nitara
Parenting discussions frequently evolve as children transition into adolescence and early adulthood, where emotional intelligence, personal boundaries, and self-protection become paramount alongside academic and career guidance. In a recent promotional interview for her new book Mrs Funnybones Returns, author and former actress Twinkle Khanna openly addressed these challenges while reflecting on her experiences with her children.
Customized Guidance Based on Personality
Khanna emphasized that effective parenting cannot adhere to a universal rulebook but must be adapted to each child's unique temperament. "With your children, you have to see their personalities, and you then give advice according to that," she stated, highlighting the necessity of personalized approaches.
Regarding her son, Aarav Bhatia, Khanna described him as inherently kind and soft-hearted since childhood. "My son is a very kind person, very soft-hearted. Not just dating, but even with friends and other people. I had to always tell him to have his boundaries because he is so generous, that can sometimes lead other people to take advantage," she explained. This concern resonates with many parents of empathetic children who may struggle with assertiveness.
In contrast, Khanna shared different advice for her 13-year-old daughter, Nitara. "With my daughter, I tell her she has to lower her boundaries. She is just 13, and she has to be a little less aggressive. So, whether it's dating or friendship, or it's just any relationship, that advice is pretty much the same," she told The Print. Khanna summarized her approach: "So for him, get a little bit more aggressive and for her, get less aggressive."
Expert Insights on Emotional Health and Boundaries
Sonal Khangarot, a licensed rehabilitation counsellor and psychotherapist at The Answer Room, supports Khanna's perspective, noting that kind and generous children often learn early that being 'good' means being accommodating. "Parents can protect this kindness by pairing it with boundaries," she advises.
Khangarot recommends practical strategies for parents:
- Model boundaries in everyday life: Let children observe you declining requests calmly without over-explaining or guilt.
- Teach emotional awareness: Encourage children to check in with their bodies and emotions, recognizing discomfort, anger, or exhaustion as signals that a boundary is needed.
- Praise assertiveness, not just compliance: When children are appreciated only for being helpful, they may learn to override their own needs.
"Raising emotionally healthy children isn't about reducing kindness, but about teaching them that generosity should be a choice, not an obligation," Khangarot emphasizes.
Risks of Over-Accommodation in Relationships
Khangarot warns that consistently prioritizing others' needs over one's own can lead to underlying resentment, which may affect self-worth and emotional well-being. Porous boundaries can blur the distinction between self and others, resulting in poor self-relationship.
"Over time, individuals may lose touch with their own needs, wants, preferences, and even values because they are constantly adapting to keep relationships intact. This pattern increases vulnerability to manipulation, emotional exhaustion, and one-sided relationships," she notes.
Tailoring Advice for Contrasting Personalities
Khangarot stresses that children require advice suited to their emotional wiring rather than identical guidance. For highly empathetic children like Aarav, parents should focus on strengthening boundaries, teaching that empathy does not necessitate self-sacrifice. For more assertive children like Nitara, the emphasis should shift to attunement, helping them recognize the impact of their words and actions on others and when to soften their approach.
"The core values remain the same: respect, consent, and mutual care. What changes is the skill being strengthened," Khangarot suggests, aligning with Khanna's tailored parenting philosophy.
This nuanced approach underscores the importance of adapting parenting strategies to foster emotional resilience and healthy relationships in children with diverse personalities.
