We have all been there. A friend says something that stings. A colleague takes credit for your work. A family member crosses a line. And before we even realize it, we have already sent three voice notes to someone else about it.
It is one of the most human things we do: reach out to someone safe when we are hurting. But we do not realize that while doing this, we are hampering the real solution to the actual problem, as the one person who could actually fix things never gets to hear a word.
Who Is BK Sister Shivani?
BK Sister Shivani, one of India's most beloved spiritual guides and a senior Rajyoga teacher with the Brahma Kumaris organization, has spent decades helping ordinary people find a way through the quiet chaos of their relationships and daily life struggles through her wise words. Her teachings are not about renunciation or traditional practices; they are about the simple daily choices that define how we treat each other.
The Core Message
When there is a conflict, talk to them instead of talking about them. This is the essence of Sister Shivani's advice. When something goes wrong between two people, most of us instinctively turn to others—friends, family, or colleagues—rather than turning toward the person who is actually involved. We talk about them, not to them.
Talking about someone you have a conflict with to someone else is comfortable because it carries no risk. The person we share our story with or vent to will not challenge us or offer the other side of the story. So, we tend to have this conception of staying safe. But nothing gets resolved.
On the contrary, talking to the person we are at loggerheads with calmly and honestly is uncomfortable because it is important and requires vulnerability. It means you might be wrong about something. It means the relationship is worth the discomfort of a real conversation.
Where We Go Wrong
Sister Shivani further adds, "The more people know about our problem, the more vibrations will be created about our problem. The more perspectives that will be added to our problem. It is the easiest way to intensify our problem."
What we actually do is hand our problem to more and more people, each of whom brings their own opinion, their own fear, their own bias. Suddenly, one small issue has ten different versions floating around in ten different heads, and every new perspective adds more weight to something that was maybe, just maybe, manageable to begin with. Sharing everything with everyone does not lighten the load. It multiplies it.
Practical Takeaway
So, next time you are at loggerheads with someone, talk to them directly, rather than taking opinions and advice from ten others. It might just help resolve the issue better and quicker.
