Bollywood star Kajol has recently spoken out against the unfair societal labels often imposed on working women, particularly the baseless judgments of being a 'bad mother' or 'bad wife'. The celebrated actor shared her personal experience of dealing with such patriarchal scrutiny during an appearance on Shubhankar Mishra's podcast, Newsbook.
Kajol revealed that these negative tags no longer cause her stress. "I am a bad mother? Bad Mother! Bad Wife? Bad Wife? Mai zyada stress nahi leti," she stated emphatically. Instead of internalizing these criticisms, she finds validation in the love of her children. "My kids love me, I am an angel. They think that I am the biggest gift in their lives," the Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge star added, highlighting the stark contrast between harsh social commentary and her actual family relationships.
The Psychological Toll of Negative Labels
To understand the deeper impact of such labeling, we consulted Aparna Rai, Clinical Psychologist at Cadabams Hospitals and Rehabilitation Centre. Rai explained that internalizing labels like "you're a bad mother" or "you're a bad wife" can have profoundly damaging effects on mental health and self-identity.
"This involves integrating external judgments into one's core self-concept, a psychological structure known as a self-schema," Rai elaborated. "Their brain can begin to treat these statements as data points about their identity."
Repeated exposure to negative labels, especially from significant people in one's life, can trigger cognitive dissonance where a person's positive self-view clashes with the negative label. To resolve this internal conflict, individuals may subconsciously adjust their self-perception to align with the criticism.
Rai further noted that cognitive biases like confirmation bias worsen this effect. "A mother who's been called 'bad' might fixate on the one time she lost her temper, while ignoring countless times she was patient and nurturing." Over time, this pattern can lead to depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, loss of pleasure in activities, and identity disturbance.
How Labels Damage Relationships and Social Life
The impact of negative labeling doesn't stop at individual mental health - it inevitably spills over into interpersonal relationships and social interactions.
Rai observed that people subjected to such criticism often withdraw from social situations, become hypersensitive to perceived criticism, and engage in excessive people-pleasing behavior. "Even a neutral comment from a partner, like 'did you remember to pack the snacks?', might be interpreted as an accusation of incompetence," she explained.
This defensive mindset can create relationship conflicts and push loved ones away. A mother who feels inadequate might either become overly permissive out of guilt or overly strict out of fear of making mistakes, creating confusion for children and straining partnerships.
"The partner or child may feel like they are walking on eggshells, unable to communicate openly for fear of triggering a negative reaction," Rai cautioned. "This erodes trust and emotional intimacy, ironically reinforcing the individual's belief that they are failing in their relationships."
Effective Strategies to Combat Negative Labeling
Rai recommends several evidence-based approaches to help individuals avoid internalizing harmful labels and manage the resulting stress effectively.
Cognitive reframing stands as a crucial technique. This involves recognizing negative thoughts as just thoughts, challenging the evidence supporting them, and replacing them with balanced statements. For instance, replacing "I'm a bad mother" with "I'm a human mother doing my best. I make mistakes, but I always love my children and try to grow."
Rai suggests acting like a detective by writing down times when you were caring or supportive to counter the negative label. She also emphasizes the importance of self-compassion through mindful awareness, recognizing common humanity, and practicing self-kindness - approaches research has linked to lower anxiety and depression.
Other effective strategies include:
- Setting healthy boundaries, starting with small steps like declining minor requests
- Curating supportive social circles while limiting contact with consistently critical people
- Seeking professional help through therapies like CBT or ACT which have proven effective for challenging negative self-perceptions and building self-worth
Kajol's approach of focusing on her children's love rather than external criticism demonstrates a real-world application of these principles. Her ability to dismiss baseless labels while cherishing genuine relationships offers an inspiring example for many women facing similar societal pressures.
