As the calendar prepares to turn to 2026, a time for reflection and resolution, therapist and writer Shelja Sen offers a powerful, alternative blueprint for personal strength. Drawing from weekly reflections and conversations with children, youth, and families throughout the year, Sen distills three profound lessons that challenge our curated, comfort-seeking lives. This wisdom, gathered from real stories of resilience, suggests that true strength is not found in avoiding hardship but in engaging with it authentically.
Learning to Develop a Taste for Problems
The first lesson comes from a young woman named Zahira. After being devastated by not securing a scholarship to her dream college, she exhibited remarkable resilience. When asked how she managed to bounce back, Zahira shrugged and offered a transformative perspective: "Life is messy, so rather than staying miserable all the time, I am learning to develop a taste for problems."
This conversation resonated deeply with Sen, especially as she had met another young man, Rohan, that same day. Rohan, an Ivy League graduate, was struggling with unemployment and depression, trapped by a lifetime of curated expectations aimed at minimizing discomfort. Zahira critiqued this very mindset, noting the societal pressure to be perpetually happy. "From the time we are little, there is so much pressure for us to be happy all the time and not have any problems. Instead, children should learn that sh*t happens, deal with it," she said.
Sen observes that in our privileged, app-driven world, we outsource discomfort—from chores to thinking itself—to technology. This creates a myth of a smooth life, which collapses in the face of real-world uncertainties like unemployment and polarization. Not facing problems, she argues, is like sticking our heads in the sand. The alternative is to learn, as Zahira did, to dance with them.
The Liberating Acceptance: "People Will Continue Peopling"
The second lesson emerged from a therapeutic session with three generations of women. Neena, who lost her father young and grew up in poverty, sought help for "rage attacks" directed at her own daughter, fueled by unresolved resentment towards relatives.
In a joint session, Neena's mother shared her own story of rejection for marrying a Dalit man and the subsequent taunts she endured after his death. When Sen asked how she survived the hate, the grandmother quoted a classic Hindi film song from Amar Prem: "Kuchh to log kahenge, logon ka kaam hai kehna" (People will say things, that's what people do). She warned that holding onto justified anger is like clutching hot coals that only burn you and your loved ones.
At this moment, Neena's 15-year-old daughter connected this to a modern dialogue, exclaiming, "Nani, this is just like the dialogue from Materialists. People are people are people are people. They come as they are." The shared laughter among the three women softened the room. This incident cemented a core principle for Sen: "people will continue peopling." Accepting this fundamental truth about human nature, rather than fighting it, can be profoundly liberating.
Finding Strength in What Expands You
The final lesson brings the story full circle to Rohan, the Ivy League graduate. He lamented that his entire childhood felt like preparation for a singular goal—to get into a top college and make others proud. "Now, after six years of the best education anyone can get in the world, I am still unemployed and depressed," he confessed.
When Sen asked what advice he would give to parents and teachers, Rohan's answer was clear: "Let children explore what excites them, what energises them, what interests them." Weeks later, a transformed Rohan met Sen again. He was animatedly planning to work with a friend who organizes treks in the Himalayas—a friend once dismissed as a "loser" in their school days.
With a smile, Rohan shared his hard-earned insight: "I was the so-called success story in school, and this friend was dismissed as the loser. So ironic it took me such a long time to understand that what expands me makes me stronger."
As we step into 2026, Shelja Sen leaves us with this collective wisdom: to develop a taste for life's inevitable problems, to accept the unchanging nature of people with grace, and to courageously pursue what genuinely excites and energizes us. For strength does not grow in comfort; it grows in the places we allow ourselves to expand.
