Teaching emotional intelligence to children involves more than simply asking about their feelings. Parenting expert Reem Raouda recently shared important insights with CNBC about how parents discuss emotions. She explained that parental language directly shapes how children experience, process, and express their feelings.
The Power of a Single Question
After studying more than two hundred children, Raouda discovered something remarkable. A simple phrase can create the emotional safety children need to reflect and communicate openly. That phrase is "Tell me what feels hard right now." This approach reduces defensiveness before conversations even begin.
Why Traditional Questions Fall Short
Children frequently experience strong emotions like frustration, sadness, or anger. Asking the usual "What's wrong?" often feels like pressure to explain themselves. The word "hard" signals safety and understanding instead. It reassures children they are not in trouble, helping them stay engaged rather than shutting down completely.
Developing Emotional Language Naturally
Young children don't always possess the vocabulary to describe what they feel. By inviting them to share what feels hard, parents allow emotional language to emerge organically. Children can describe sensations, moments, or experiences. This process gradually builds their ability to identify and express emotions over time.
Creating Emotional Safety First
Before offering solutions, advice, or guidance, children need to feel heard. This particular question communicates calm and steadiness. It lets children know their feelings are completely valid. Emotional intelligence grows best in environments where feelings meet understanding rather than urgency.
Giving Children Agency Over Sharing
When children receive an invitation to reflect instead of a demand to explain, they decide how much to share. This autonomy strengthens self-regulation and builds confidence. Children learn that their feelings matter and that they maintain control over their emotional expression.
Calming the Nervous System
Children's stress responses can become heightened during strong emotional moments. Using language that focuses on "hard" experiences helps them feel safe and supported. This reduces anxiety significantly, enabling clearer thinking and better emotional processing before reasoning or problem-solving begins.
Normalizing Emotions in Daily Life
Focusing on what feels hard communicates that emotions are natural. Children learn they can notice feelings without judgment. They understand that emotions are not problems requiring immediate fixes but experiences to navigate. This approach fosters resilience and establishes healthy emotional habits.
Modeling Emotional Intelligence Through Action
Children learn emotional skills primarily through observation, not just listening. When parents respond with calm curiosity instead of control, they demonstrate how to handle emotions with steadiness. Over time, children internalize these behaviors and apply them to their own experiences.
Disclaimer: This article draws upon insights reported by CNBC and the work of parenting expert Reem Raouda. It serves educational purposes and should not replace professional guidance for children facing emotional or behavioral challenges.
