For 71-year-old Jane Griffin, the death of her husband in April, after his long battle with Lewy body dementia, brought an unexpected and overwhelming wave of emotions. Simple reminders, like spotting his favourite food at the grocery store, could trigger a sudden, intense spiral of anguish. "Nobody could have prepared me for this feeling of extreme anxiousness," said Griffin, a resident of Arizona. She was experiencing what mental health researchers term a 'grief attack'.
What Exactly is a Grief Attack?
A grief attack describes a sudden, overwhelming surge of anguish rooted in bereavement. Also known as pangs of grief, grief spasms, or loss-related panic, this phenomenon is well-known to therapists and those who have lost loved ones. Experts are now delving deeper into its specific symptoms and severity, which can range from uncomfortable to completely debilitating.
"It's like a panic attack, which — I can personally attest — are horrible, but with the deepest grief on top of it, and all of those symptoms hitting you at the same time," explained Sherman Lee, an associate professor of psychology at Christopher Newport University in Virginia. "It is really a fascinating phenomenon that really shakes you to the core if you ever experience one."
Symptoms and Triggers of Overwhelming Grief
In a pivotal study published in November, Lee and his co-author Robert Neimeyer, director of the Portland Institute for Loss and Transition, surveyed 247 bereaved adults. The research found that nearly half experienced grief attacks once or twice daily. These episodes often mirror panic attack symptoms, including shaking, sweating, numbness, and dizziness, combined with intense grief aspects like yearning, despair, or fragmented thinking.
While triggers can be obvious—a song, a scent, a belonging—Neimeyer notes they more commonly arise unexpectedly during quiet moments at home. "Something regarding the loss just comes to us and — boom — the floodgates open." These attacks become particularly concerning if they pose physical danger, like while driving, or if they are prolonged, worsen over time, or severely disrupt daily functioning.
Coping Mechanisms and the Path Forward
Managing a grief attack shares strategies with calming a panic attack. Experts recommend slow, deep belly breathing and repetitive physical movements like stomping your feet. Linita E. Mathew, a guidance counselor and author who experienced frequent grief attacks after her father's death, found holding her hands under cold running water helped. She also steadied her trembling eyes by focusing on a photograph of her father.
Importantly, grief attacks can also serve a therapeutic purpose. Clinical psychologist Therese A. Rando suggests they force a confrontation with the reality of loss, which can be cathartic. The goal, as Neimeyer emphasises, is not to "move on" but to "find a way of holding on differently" by developing coping skills and continuing bonds with the deceased. The key is to gradually reduce the power of triggers while honouring the love that remains.
