For countless parents across India, a sudden public meltdown by their child is a familiar and stressful scenario. The immediate instinct is often to demand the child stop crying or 'be happy.' However, experts warn that this common reaction, while seeking quick peace, can actually hinder a child's long-term emotional development.
The Lost Opportunity in Every Tantrum
According to certified parenting coach and author Reem Raouda, who spoke to CNBC, parents frequently make the mistake of addressing what the child is doing rather than why they are behaving that way. Scolding a child for crying or instructing them to "calm down" when they are sad or overwhelmed might bring momentary silence. But the hidden cost is making the child feel their emotions are unimportant or invalid.
Raouda identifies one of the most typical parenting errors: paying attention only to bad behaviour. When parents consistently ignore the emotions driving the behaviour, children miss crucial lessons in understanding and managing their feelings. This, in turn, can slow the development of their emotional intelligence.
Emotional Intelligence: The Real Foundation for Success
"Stop focusing on their behavior and start focusing on their [well-being]," urges Raouda. She emphasises, "Children are not robots, and their emotions are being completely ignored, dismissed [or even] punished." Developing emotional intelligence is vital as it equips individuals to manage stress and negative emotions effectively.
Scientific research supports that emotional intelligence helps ward off stress, anxiety, and depression. Children who grow up emotionally intelligent are better equipped to handle life's challenges as they mature. Raouda poses a powerful question: "Your emotional well-being is your success. Who cares about how much money you have, if you are anxiety-ridden, depressed, [and] don’t know who you are?"
Validating Feelions, Guiding Behaviour
This perspective, however, is not a license for permissiveness. Raouda clarifies a critical distinction: "Just because all feelings are valid doesn't mean all behaviors are equal in importance." This is especially true if a child is being mean-spirited or hurtful to others. The key lesson for children is that while all feelings are normal, not all ways of expressing them are acceptable.
The expert recommends a two-step approach for parents. First, acknowledge the child's emotion by saying something like, "I see you’re upset." This simple act shows the child they are understood. Then, parents can guide the child toward expressing those emotions through better behaviour. This method helps children learn to regulate their emotions while still understanding boundaries and obeying necessary commands.
By shifting focus from instant behavioural control to emotional connection, parents can transform challenging tantrum moments into valuable opportunities for nurturing resilient, self-aware, and emotionally intelligent individuals.
