Before you say 'I do,' there are critical conversations you need to have with your partner that go far beyond wedding dresses, venues, or honeymoon destinations. These discussions could define your future together. James J. Sexton, a prominent New York-based divorce attorney who has guided countless couples through the aftermath of failed marriages, shares three essential considerations every couple should address before walking down the aisle.
1. Analyze Your Parents' Conflicts
Before purchasing that wedding gown or tuxedo, take time to examine your parents' relationship. 'What did your parents' conflicts look like? And how does that translate to yours?' Sexton asked during an appearance on the We Need To Talk podcast. According to him, understanding your parents' marriage is crucial because you will either mirror it or diverge from it completely. 'People tend, in my experience, to either become like their parents or the opposite,' he said.
2. Have Brutal Conversations About Priorities
You must be clear about your own priorities and understand your partner's as well. 'Assess very clearly what your priorities are. Because I will tell you, an unfortunate reality is that the person who cares less about the well-being of the children has a tactical advantage in custody litigation. So identify what's important to you, what's important to your partner, and who they are. Have an honest conversation with yourself and your counsel about who your partner is,' Sexton advised. He added, 'If you're against someone who's going to be villainous, potentially, you've got to bring a different toolkit to the situation. So, have this frank, honest, open discussion.'
3. Secure Expert Counsel
According to the attorney, proactive legal protection is equally important. Build a relationship with a good lawyer before you need one. This isn't about assuming the worst; it's about responsible planning. 'Shore up the fences and get a good lawyer. And really trust your counsel if you've found good counsel. And then trust the fact that sometimes the path to peace is war,' he said.
What You Should Know
Marriage is a beautiful commitment, but it is also a legal contract with significant implications. You should know more than just what your wedding venue will look like. These three recommendations from a top New York divorce attorney are not about preparing you for failure, but about investing in success. Marriage is complex. While understanding your partner matters greatly, protecting your interests is also crucial. It is always better to enter marriage with your eyes wide open.
