Forget swiping left based on a checklist of physical attributes. A fresh wave in modern dating, dubbed 'curveball crushing,' is challenging the conventional wisdom of having a rigid 'type.' This approach argues that an over-reliance on superficial must-haves might be blocking you from discovering more profound and compatible romantic connections.
What Exactly Is Curveball Crushing?
Unlike traditional dating advice that champions clear physical or personality preferences, curveball crushing encourages individuals to look beyond immediate, often surface-level, attractions. The focus shifts to qualities that naturally unfold over multiple interactions. These include traits like authentic kindness, intellectual curiosity, emotional consistency, ease of conversation, and the ability to be genuinely oneself.
This method promotes a more open-minded dating strategy. It asks people to soften hardline physical preferences, consider partners from diverse backgrounds or lifestyles, and tune into subtler signs of compatibility. Are your senses of humour aligned? Do they follow up thoughtfully after a date? Most importantly, how do you feel—calm, seen, energized—after spending time with them?
Practical steps of this trend involve updating dating profiles to reflect true interests and core values, opting for low-pressure first meetings like a coffee chat, and even jotting down brief post-date notes to identify what patterns truly contribute to a fulfilling connection.
The Psychology Behind Sticking to a 'Type'
But why do we gravitate towards a specific 'type' in the first place? Gurleen Baruah, an Existential Psychotherapist at That Culture Thing, provides crucial insight. She explains that what we often perceive as genuine attraction is frequently a blend of habit, familiarity, and unconscious psychological patterns.
"People make mental checklists for height, a certain look, or a specific personality, and this feels like a preference," Baruah states. "But psychologically, we are also drawn to what our nervous system recognises as familiar." This sense of familiarity can stem from childhood dynamics, past emotional wounds, or the model of relationships we observed while growing up. Even if these patterns were unhealthy, the mind may register them as 'normal,' leading individuals to choose similar partners repeatedly—not because it's successful, but because it feels known.
How to Healthily Broaden Your Dating Horizon
So, how can one intentionally expand their dating lens without compromising on core standards or ignoring genuine dealbreakers? Baruah emphasizes that the process begins with a critical separation: distinguishing preferences from fundamental values.
She recommends a practical exercise: sort your desires into three distinct buckets.
- Non-negotiables: These are your core values, such as respect, empathy, and emotional stability.
- Good-to-have qualities: Desirable traits that aren't essential for a healthy relationship.
- Things that don't matter as much as you think: Often, these include rigid physical preferences or superficial traits.
"This helps broaden your dating pool without compromising who you are at your core," Baruah notes. She also advises against snap judgments. "Sometimes people reveal warmth, humour, and depth only after a little time. Expanding your type isn't about lowering standards. It's about realising that compatibility often grows quietly, not always in the first 10 minutes."
Recognising Meaningful Chemistry
How can you spot unexpected but meaningful chemistry during early dates? According to Baruah, genuine connection often feels calmer than the intense spark popular culture promotes. Look for subtle signals: how the person treats others, their quality of listening, the respect they show, and whether your body feels safe and at ease around them. It's an interaction where you don't feel the need to perform or constantly impress.
In contrast, the thrill of novelty can mimic chemistry through an adrenaline rush—exciting but potentially unstable. True connection is distinguished by a sense of groundedness and genuine curiosity that persists over several meetings, moving past the initial curated behaviour typical of first dates. "If the connection continues to feel grounded, respectful, and genuinely curious over a few meetings, that's usually a more real form of chemistry than the initial spark," Baruah concludes.
As dating fatigue grows and more people seek authentic partnerships, the curveball crushing trend offers a thoughtful framework. It moves the focus from a static checklist to the dynamic, value-driven qualities that form the foundation of lasting relationships.
