Tennis icon Billie Jean King has identified a critical mistake many parents make that drives children away from sports. She says this error often comes from a place of love, not harm, but creates lasting negative effects.
The Problem with "Did You Win?" Questions
Parents frequently believe they show support by asking about results. Common questions include "Did you win?" or "Why didn't you score?" or "You could have done better there, right?" These inquiries seem harmless to adults but feel like pressure to young athletes.
Billie Jean King explains that children experience sports differently than adults. For kids, sports should be about fun, friendship, physical movement, and enjoying the effort. When every game becomes an evaluation, and every mistake gets analyzed, the joy disappears completely.
King's Personal Experience
In a recent interview on SiriusXM's LIFT show, King shared how her own parents approached her tennis career. "They never asked Randy or me if we won," she revealed. "If they picked us up in the car, or when we walked through the door at home, they didn't say, 'Did you win?'"
The 39-time Grand Slam champion noted that parents ask about winning frequently. She believes this focus on results contributes significantly to children quitting sports around ages 10 or 11. Young athletes feel they cannot meet parental expectations.
The Emotional Impact on Young Athletes
Constant performance questions create cumulative pressure over time. What begins as enjoyable activity slowly transforms into stressful obligation. Eventually, children decide sports are not worth the emotional burden.
King has observed this pattern repeatedly throughout her career as both an athlete and mentor to young players. When parents emphasize results, performance comparisons, and outcomes, children stop playing for personal joy. They begin playing to avoid disappointing others.
That shift marks when genuine love for the game starts fading. Even well-intentioned advice becomes overwhelming when delivered constantly.
What Children Really Need
King stresses that children need emotional safety more than technical feedback from parents. Coaches already provide technical instruction. Young athletes need assurance that their worth remains separate from scoreboard results.
Whether they win, lose, or spend time on the bench, children require consistent support. They need to know parental love and approval do not depend on athletic performance.
The Power of Positive Focus
The 81-year-old tennis legend also discussed the importance of positive thinking. "People keep thinking you learn more from failure," King told Fortune at a sports summit. She acknowledges learning occurs through challenges but emphasizes belief's power.
"If you think you're a failure, you'll fail. If you think you're a winner, you'll win," King stated. Sports can teach valuable life lessons including resilience, teamwork, and confidence, but only when the environment supports these qualities.
When parents focus on enjoyment, personal effort, and individual growth, children become far more likely to continue sports participation long-term.
Simple Support Strategies
Sometimes the best parental support involves staying quiet on the sidelines. A simple statement like "I loved watching you play" can mean more than detailed performance analysis.
King's message encourages parents to reconsider their sideline behavior and post-game conversations. Shifting focus from outcomes to experiences helps preserve children's natural enjoyment of sports.
This approach allows young athletes to develop genuine passion for physical activity while building confidence that extends beyond athletic arenas.
