Actor, author, and podcaster Soha Ali Khan wears many hats, but the one that grounds her most, she says, is being a mother to her daughter Inaaya. In an exclusive interview with Sidhi for Mother's Day, she opens up about the chaos and calm of modern parenting, why she doesn't engage with trolls, and how her new podcast lets her swap notes with other parents figuring it out.
Lessons in Motherhood
Motherhood is challenging, exhausting, yet beautiful. Asked about her most valuable learnings, Soha says: 'The biggest learning is to be able to separate yourself from your child. You feel a sense of oneness with them from pregnancy till delivery. You have all these hopes and dreams and your own childhood mistakes which you don't want them to repeat. Inaaya is a mix of Kunal and me, but she's her own person. The biggest challenge is to let go and allow them to be who they are, not what you hope them to be.'
Values from Her Childhood
Both Soha and Kunal come from families where public scrutiny is normal. Reflecting on values she wants to pass on, she says: 'The world we grew up in was different. There was no social media and photographers around all the time. Fans used to ask for autographs. People didn't have mobile phones. The world was not intrusive back then. Today, you don't know when your privacy is invaded. People are writing and commenting about you. Everything is happening in a public space. It's unsettling for young minds and even for me as a parent. That is a challenge we were spared growing up, and something I am aware of for my own child. One thing my parents did was not put any pressure to be in public space or to be an actor. It's definitely about listening to my child, helping her identify her strengths, and then being the wings beneath her to help her achieve those dreams.'
Strict Parenting?
Despite her calm demeanor, Soha admits to being strict about certain things. 'I am obsessed with bedtime. It was a thing for us growing up. I feel that if my daughter sleeps for 10 hours, she can deal with the world. It's important to sleep before midnight for brain development and emotional regulation too. I tell my daughter she can have chocolate or a little extra screen time, but bedtime is non-negotiable. Everyone thinks I am crazy, but it's a battle that I have fought at great personal sacrifice.'
The Podcast 'All About Her'
Explaining how her podcast came about, Soha says: 'I really enjoy having conversations and I like the non-fiction space. In my mid-40s, I felt like I was having a lot of expensive conversations with professionals on skin, hormones, workouts, food, blood tests, supplements, and I spent a lot of money. I realized I have access to these amazing professionals. I knew I had to record and share them with my friends. Later, I thought to post on YouTube and help relevant people. Also, I started it because I love women! Women are phenomenal by virtue of being women!'
Memorable Parenting Insights from Guests
When asked about memorable parenting insights from her podcast guests, Soha says: 'What's interesting is that all guests were from different walks of life, but a lot of them are all mothers. I also interviewed a few dads on the podcast. Everyone's story is different. I chatted with my mother Sharmila Tagore and Neetu ji, who spoke about parenting in their time. There was no social media. Mothers did a lot more. Fathers were not expressive and held back a lot more. Fathers were stricter in many ways. Then we have the current generation which is reading a lot of books. There's gentle parenting. Some parents don't know how to discipline and create boundaries. So many of these conversations stayed with me.'
Subjects Yet to Explore on the Podcast
The podcast is candid, but there are topics still too raw to discuss. Soha reveals: 'I want to touch the subject of sports. I want to have some interesting conversations with women in sports. I want to talk more on finance. Then there's gender transition, body positivity, pro-ageing – topics I like to discuss and have some heartfelt conversations around.'
Digital Wellbeing at Home
On digital wellbeing, Soha shares: 'I feel you have to be intentional about these things. Technology is a large part of our lives today. So, I start with myself. I have to keep my phone away, but it's very tough to disconnect. But if I am going to do that, then Inaaya will understand that the phone has so much power. Kids can't make a distinction whether I am doing work on the phone; it will not register. She will just see the fact that I am on the phone. Forbidding is not the answer because then it becomes more enticing. It's important to explain to them why it's not good for you. And now, she understands that gadgets are not good, but it's still so attractive that how do you make life so interesting without screens? But that's what we need to teach them. Get bored. Look out of the window. Play with dolls. Read a book. Play a game. It's important to figure out what to do in the space of screen time. The problem is, parents are worried about what kids will do if there's no screen time!'
Books in Parenting
Books are a major part of Soha's parenting. She says: 'I grew up on books. I used to pick a book and never get bored. I travelled all the time with my mother and never got bored. Inaaya has also picked that habit. Now I tell her, I will continue to read to her but she must read herself too.'
Handling Trolling and Mom-Shaming
On handling trolling and mom-shaming comments, Soha says: 'I feel my role is not to improve the world. It's just to improve myself. My sense of self-worth has never come from outside. This is the foundation we need to teach our child from an early age. It's impossible to please everyone. Trolls just like to hate. That cannot affect you. They are strangers, anonymous, and it means nothing. Your sense of self-worth should come from within. I actually read comments on YouTube, and people give healthy criticism, and that is good. So you can't live in a vacuum and block yourself from the world. It's to engage with the world and have a thick skin so you can differentiate between positive criticism and hate. Filter out the hate and take on board what can improve you as a person and your craft.'
How Inaaya Would Describe Her
If Inaaya had to describe her as a mom in one line 20 years from now, what does Soha hope for? 'Inaaya has already described me as a mother many times. I hope that she will say that I was kind, I was a good listener, and that I did not finish her sentences for her. I used to in the past. Now, I want her to complete her thought for as long as it takes. I want her to say what she wants to say.'
The article has been written by Sidhi Kapoor, a seasoned journalist with over 20 years of experience and a hardcore Bollywood fan. The TOI Lifestyle Desk is a dynamic team of dedicated journalists who curate a vibrant tapestry of lifestyle news for The Times of India readers.
