Kiara Aroda, 27, should not be single. At first glance, it makes zero sense that a woman like her—armed with a master's degree from a university with less than 5% acceptance rate, eye-watering tax returns, generational wealth, and a 'face card' that is consistently ranked 'fire' on Instagram—should describe herself as 'chronically single.' In desi marriage mafia-speak, she is a catch. And yet, her last meaningful relationship was almost five years ago. 'My besties and I are going to Bali to celebrate the fifth incel anniversary,' she says.
The paradox of modern dating
Kiara's story is not unique. Across India, a growing number of young, successful individuals are finding it increasingly difficult to find romantic partners. While the country's economy booms and educational opportunities expand, the path to love seems to have become more treacherous. Experts point to a combination of factors: sky-high expectations fueled by social media, the paradox of choice in the age of dating apps, and shifting societal norms that leave many unsure of what they want.
Social media and unrealistic standards
Social media platforms like Instagram and Facebook present curated versions of relationships, leading to comparisons and unrealistic expectations. 'People see perfect couples online and think that's the norm,' says relationship counselor Dr. Ananya Sharma. 'In reality, relationships require work, compromise, and acceptance of flaws. But many young Indians are holding out for a fantasy.' This phenomenon is particularly pronounced among those who are highly educated and affluent, as they feel entitled to a partner who matches their achievements and lifestyle.
The paradox of choice
Dating apps like Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge offer an endless stream of potential matches, but this abundance can be paralyzing. 'When you have hundreds of options, you become less likely to commit to any one person,' explains Dr. Sharma. 'You're always wondering if someone better is just a swipe away.' This 'grass is greener' mentality often leads to what experts call 'relationship inertia'—a state where people date casually without ever forming deep connections.
Changing societal norms
India is undergoing a cultural shift, with traditional arranged marriages giving way to love marriages. However, this transition has created confusion. Many young Indians are caught between the expectations of their families and their own desires for autonomy. 'There's a lot of pressure to marry, but also to find a 'perfect' match,' says sociologist Dr. Rajesh Verma. 'This dual pressure makes dating feel like a high-stakes game, where every failure is magnified.'
The economic factor
Economic independence has given women like Kiara more choices, but it has also raised the bar for potential partners. 'I want someone who is my equal or better,' Kiara says. 'But that's a small pool.' Men, too, face pressure to be financially successful, often delaying marriage until they feel 'settled.' This has led to a mismatch in expectations, with many highly educated women struggling to find men who are comfortable with their success.
Mental health and burnout
The relentless pursuit of success in careers and personal lives is taking a toll on mental health. 'Young Indians are burned out,' says psychologist Dr. Priya Mehta. 'They work long hours, manage social media personas, and then try to date. It's exhausting.' This burnout often leads to apathy toward dating, with many choosing to stay single rather than invest time and energy in a relationship.
A way forward?
Despite the challenges, experts believe that finding love is still possible. The key, they say, is to lower expectations, be open to compromise, and focus on genuine connections rather than superficial checklists. 'Love isn't a transaction,' says Dr. Sharma. 'It's about finding someone who complements you, not someone who ticks every box.' For now, Kiara and her friends are enjoying their singlehood, but she admits she hasn't given up hope. 'Maybe I'll find love when I least expect it,' she says. 'Until then, there's always Bali.'
