A candid revelation by Bollywood actor Kartik Aaryan on a popular comedy show has ignited a fresh conversation about relationship boundaries and emotional baggage from past romances. The moment unfolded during a promotional appearance for their upcoming film on The Great Kapil Show.
The Confession That Sparked a Debate
Host Kapil Sharma, known for his playful banter, set the stage by joking about Kartik's frequent pairing with new heroines. The conversation took a more personal turn during a game segment where actors had to label scenarios as either a 'red flag' or a 'green flag' in relationships.
When presented with the prompt 'Calling your ex despite being in a relationship,' Ananya Panday immediately and emphatically raised her red flag card, her expression conveying clear disapproval. Kartik Aaryan, however, responded with surprising honesty.
'I do it sometimes, you must also do it sometimes,' Kartik said, turning to Ananya. While she smiled and nodded in a moment of shared understanding, she kept her red flag firmly raised, highlighting a common but often unspoken dating dilemma.
Why Do People Stay Connected to Ex-Partners?
This light-hearted exchange touches a nerve for many. Dr. Sakshi Mandhyan, a psychologist and founder of Mandhyan Care, explains that the urge to contact an ex is rarely about rekindling romance. 'For many people, staying in touch with an ex is less about romance and more about emotional familiarity,' she states.
Dr. Mandhyan elaborates from an attachment theory perspective, noting this behaviour often reflects an anxious or unresolved attachment. The ex-partner represents a source of comfort, validation, and a known entity. Reaching out can act as a temporary balm for feelings of loneliness or self-doubt.
'Some people also struggle with emotional closure. They move on externally, but the bond has not fully released internally,' the expert adds, pinpointing why moving on can be a complex internal process.
When Does It Become a Genuine Red Flag?
According to Dr. Mandhyan, contact with an ex is not automatically problematic. 'I don't see contact with an ex as a red flag by default,' she clarifies. The concern arises 'when it starts affecting emotional safety' within the current relationship.
Key warning signs include secrecy, frequent communication, or emotionally charged interactions. 'Transparency is key,' she emphasises. The psychologist explains that boundaries are crucial for protecting attachment security in a relationship.
'When contact with an ex creates comparison, secrecy, or defensiveness, it signals unresolved emotional attachment,' Dr. Mandhyan notes. The intent behind the contact is critical. Is the person seeking reassurance, excitement, or support that should rightly come from their current partner? 'A red flag is not the call itself. It is the emotional dependence behind it.'
Building Trust Through Communication
Navigating past relationships requires open communication. Dr. Mandhyan advises couples to discuss past relationships early on, in a spirit of curiosity rather than accusation. 'Tone matters more than content. Curiosity lowers defensiveness. Blame activates it,' she says.
In therapeutic settings, the focus is on helping individuals 'name feelings rather than control behaviour.' Effective boundaries are mutual agreements meant to protect trust, not restrictive rules. 'When communication is open, the nervous system settles,' Dr. Mandhyan concludes, underscoring that honesty is the foundation for security in any partnership.
