Love Jihad Debunked: Interfaith Marriages Shape Indo-Islamic-Hindu Cultures
In the heart of Delhi's bustling Prithviraj Market, a visit to Mirajuddin's renowned mutton shop reveals a touching scene. As I place an order, the young man at the counter inquires, "Rajdeep bhai nahi aye?" I assure him he is on his way. The owner, wiping his cutting board, asks, "And where is bhaijaan?" Again, I reply, coming. When my husband arrives, he greets everyone with "assalaam valaikum," receiving warm responses and sparking animated conversations. This ritual repeats with other workers and familiar patrons, highlighting how he has become a cherished regular.
This is the same man who, 14 years ago when we married, did not know how to say 'Salaam.' Now, our Mirajuddin friends affectionately call him "kareeb, kareeb mussalman." This personal anecdote starkly contrasts with the 'love jihad' propaganda that often dominates news cycles, which falsely claims Muslim men lure Hindu women away, ignoring the agency and influence of Muslim women in interfaith relationships.
Muslim Women Leading Cultural Blending
Contrary to patriarchal narratives, Muslim women frequently shape their families by integrating Islamic traditions while embracing Hindu customs. I can cite numerous examples where they have nudged husbands and families toward a harmonious blend of beliefs.
- An Afghan friend married to a Sharma from Delhi runs an Afghan centre at a university, promoting cultural exchange. When their son's school denied an Eid holiday, the father asserted, "My son is half Muslim. He will celebrate at home with family."
- An Indonesian friend married to a Tamil Brahmin observes Ramzan fasts and hosts Iftar gatherings. Her 13-year-old son, during a visit to Jakarta, felt excluded when not woken for Sehri and chose to fast in solidarity, asking, "Why? Am I not part of this family?"
- A colleague named her daughter Inara, meaning radiance in Arabic, who carries both parents' surnames as 'Inara Syed Mahapatra.'
- Another colleague, Nikhat, had a nikah and destination wedding in Turkey, where her Greek partner learned namaz and suras to connect with her Lucknow family.
These stories illustrate how women decisively influence family dynamics, creating unique Indo-Islamic-Hindu domestic cultures that defy simplistic labels.
Accommodating Beliefs and Traditions
In these interfaith marriages, both sides accommodate each other's belief systems, fostering mutual respect and enjoyment. My in-laws perform Hindu pujas and follow auspicious dates, which I view as superstition but accept as normal. Similarly, friends blend customs seamlessly.
- The Indonesian friend cooks sambar and payasam for her vegetarian husband and hosts a Ganesha idol from her mother-in-law.
- The Afghan friend abstains from meat on Hindu festivals, participates in family rituals, and celebrates Eid together.
- Nikhat merges with her Greek family, visiting them annually and appreciating their culture.
- Baby Inara is set to learn about Karl Marx and Foucault before delving into Hinduism or Islam, symbolizing a broader worldview.
Love remains timeless, offering solace in an era of global conflicts. While some groups malign these unions as 'love jihad,' we are not societal aberrations or exotic curiosities. Instead, we embody the dream of India envisioned at independence, where diversity is embraced.
The Vision of Inclusive India
As humanity expands, our tribe of interfaith families grows, reflecting the inclusive spirit championed by figures like Mahatma Phule. His verse, "Christ, Mohammad, Mang, Bramhanasi, Dharave potasi, Bandhu pari," translates to embracing all communities as brothers. In these marriages, women lead the way, proving that love transcends religious boundaries and enriches cultural tapestry.
Sameena Dalwai, a law professor, explores these themes in her forthcoming book, 'Love Jihad: A Feminist Retelling,' offering a nuanced perspective on interfaith relationships.
