Television host Mini Mathur has offered a candid and heartfelt glimpse into her 27-year marriage with acclaimed filmmaker Kabir Khan. In a recent podcast appearance, she reflected on the foundation of their long-lasting union, attributing its success not to perfection, but to a deep-seated and enduring friendship.
Mathur described their journey together as a 'breeze,' though she was quick to clarify that it is far from picture-perfect. The couple, like any other, experiences arguments, highs, and lows. However, the core of their relationship remains unshaken. 'I think the basis of our marriage is solid, good ol' friendship,' she revealed, emphasizing that this bond is what sustains them through challenging times.
The Emotional Dynamics of Their Partnership
A particularly revealing moment came when Mathur discussed their emotional dynamics. She admitted that she is often the first to initiate reconciliation after a disagreement, not out of weakness, but because she genuinely misses her friend, even when they are in the same room. This led to her now-viral observation about their differing levels of emotional intelligence. 'But his EQ is lower than mine. Higher in films but lower in the relationship,' Mathur stated with a touch of humour.
She further elaborated on their contrasting personalities, describing herself as an extrovert and Kabir Khan as an introvert. 'We are yin and yang,' she said, highlighting how their differences create a balanced team. Despite Khan being a very private person who, according to Mathur, 'despises therapy,' she has personally undertaken six months of therapy and a 1.5-year course on menopause and health.
Expert Weighs In on Emotional Intelligence in Relationships
Psychotherapist and life coach Delnna Rrajesh concurred with Mathur's experience, stating that an uneven distribution of emotional intelligence is a common reality for most couples. 'This isn't a flaw – it's a polarity. And polarity, when met with acceptance and care, can become a strength,' Delnna explained.
She acknowledged that this dynamic can often be frustrating for the more emotionally attuned partner, who may frequently find themselves making the first move to resolve conflicts. This person effectively becomes the 'emotional compass' of the relationship, a role that is both a gift and a significant responsibility.
Navigating the EQ Gap: Practical Advice
For couples navigating a similar dynamic, Delnna offered several key strategies:
- Understand that EQ isn't a competition: A partner's lower emotional awareness doesn't equate to a lack of love; they may simply process feelings differently.
- Name the friendship beneath the frustration: Like Mini, try to value the person even when you disagree with their behaviour.
- Stop measuring effort in identical behaviours: Emotional labour can look different for everyone; one partner might be verbal, while the other shows care through acts of service.
- Use your higher EQ as a bridge, not a weapon: Lead with maturity and model emotional regulation instead of resorting to resentment.
- Teach by showing, not scolding: Use invitations like, 'It would help me feel closer if I knew what you were feeling,' rather than demands.
- Protect your energy: Being the emotionally attuned one doesn't mean you have to carry the entire emotional load. Communicate your needs clearly.
Ultimately, Delnna emphasized that while emotional intelligence levels may vary, 'conscious effort is always a choice.' Equipping oneself with better communication tools and a deeper understanding can help any couple build a more resilient and graceful partnership, much like Mini Mathur and Kabir Khan have over their 27 years together.
