The Timeless Wisdom of Oscar Wilde
Oscar Wilde, the legendary wit and wordsmith, once wrote: "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary." At first glance, it sounds romantic and theatrical, like a line from a 19th-century drama. But peel back the velvet curtain, and this quote surprisingly stands true even in modern times. In a world where love is often rushed or scrolled past on dating apps, Wilde warns us that real love should make you feel special, not disposable.
Wilde isn't saying you must be treated like royalty or that you need grand gestures and constant praise. He is pointing to something deeper: respect. If someone treats you like you're ordinary in the sense that you are replaceable, invisible, or beneath their attention, ignoring your feelings, opinions, or boundaries, they are sending a quiet message: You are not important to me. Love, in Wilde's spirit, is supposed to make you feel seen, cherished, and a little extraordinary, not inflated with ego but grounded in the quiet certainty that your presence matters.
Why 'Ordinary' Can Hurt More Than 'Bad'
There is a strange kind of cruelty in indifference. A partner might never shout at you or betray you, yet still treat you like just another person in their life, like a default setting, not a chosen connection. Psychologists often describe this as emotional neglect: when someone is physically present but emotionally absent. A study titled 'Loneliness and Relationship Well-Being' found that people who feel lonelier in their romantic relationships report less relationship awareness, lower trust, and higher relationship conflict, even when reported conflict levels are not extreme. In that light, Wilde's line becomes less indulgent and more protective: Love someone who chooses you, not just settles for you.
How to Know If You're Being Treated as 'Ordinary'
Here are a few subtle signs that love has slipped into the 'ordinary' zone:
- Your needs and boundaries are often dismissed or met with eye-rolling or sarcasm.
- They rarely ask how you are doing, or if they do, they don't really listen.
- Big moments in your life feel small to them; they don't celebrate your wins or show any genuine interest.
- They invest time, energy, and attention in everything and everyone except you.
If you nod along to many of these, it is not proof that you are unlovable. It is a sign that you are being loved in a way that diminishes you, not one that lifts you.
How to Love Yourself First
Wilde's quote is not just a warning to others but a reminder to you. Before you pour all your love into someone, ask yourself: Do I treat myself like someone extraordinary? Self-respect and self-compassion are the foundation of any healthy relationship. When you start expecting kindness, honesty, and consistency from yourself, you find it easier to demand the same from others. You don't cling to someone because you are afraid of being alone; you choose them because they make your life feel richer, not smaller.
A Gentle Challenge to Your Heart
Try this: The next time someone brushes you off, cancels plans last minute, or makes you feel like an afterthought, ask yourself: "If I treated a friend like this, would I call it love?" If the answer is no, it is time to question whether that relationship is serving you or just filling a space. Wilde gave us a simple, sharp compass for love that is relevant even today: Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary. Because you aren't, and the right person won't make you feel like you are.
