In today's evolving parenting landscape, many mothers and fathers strive to be their children's best friends, believing this approach fosters openness and better communication. However, Brahma Kumaris' Sister Shivani presents a compelling counter-argument that challenges this contemporary trend head-on.
Sister Shivani emphasizes that while emotional connection remains crucial, parents must maintain their distinct role rather than transforming into just another friend in their children's social circle. She reminds us that children may accumulate numerous friends throughout their lives, but they will only ever have one biological mother and one biological father.
The Dangerous Blurring of Parent-Child Boundaries
Sister Shivani illustrates the concerning consequences of blurred parental boundaries through a real-life example that many modern families might recognize. She recalls a mother who questioned her daughter about returning home late from a party, only to receive a startling response: "Mom, why are you behaving like a mother? I thought we had decided we are friends."
This exchange served as a wake-up call, not just for the mother involved, but for all parents navigating similar dynamics. Sister Shivani told the concerned mother, "Your daughter has a lot of friends. But she has only one mother. And if you stop being a mother, then your child doesn't have any parent."
The spiritual teacher explains that in their attempt to appear modern and relatable, many parents inadvertently erase the essential boundaries that define healthy parent-child relationships. Once parents begin identifying themselves as friends, she observes, "the whole equation, the dynamics of the relationship start changing."
When Parents Become Peers: The Consequences
As parents increasingly try to fit into their children's friendship circles—attending the same parties, adopting teenage vernacular, and behaving casually—the traditional parent-child dynamic undergoes a fundamental shift. Children gradually stop viewing parents as authority figures and begin treating them as peers, which Sister Shivani identifies as problematic for long-term development.
When these essential boundaries disappear, children also lose access to the inner strength that comes from having clear structure, consistent guidance, and respectful distance within family relationships. The spiritual teacher notes that many contemporary parents operate through imitation rather than intuition, following trends because "all parents do this, so we are also going to be like that."
She contrasts this with earlier generations, where children maintained deep respect for their parents and wouldn't casually sit, behave, or speak without consideration in their presence. While modern parenting has glamorized informality and granted children more freedom and liberty, Sister Shivani warns that "its consequence is coming back very deep," manifesting in reduced emotional resilience and weakening family discipline.
Returning to Indian Parenting Roots: The Culture of Maryada
Sister Shivani advocates for a return to traditional Indian parenting values rooted in maryada—respectful boundaries that don't rely on fear or emotional distance. This approach allowed children to speak openly while still understanding and respecting their parents' distinctive role.
She believes today's families must rediscover this balance, where parents can be loving, emotionally present, and supportive without surrendering their authority and guidance. While friendship can help children feel understood, parenting provides direction, self-control, and a sense of accountability that friends cannot offer.
In her powerful concluding words, Sister Shivani reminds us: "We are a culture. A Sanskriti. A Sanskriti of Mariyadas." This cultural foundation of respectful boundaries, she suggests, offers the stability and guidance that modern parenting approaches often lack, providing children with the emotional security and moral compass they need to navigate life's challenges.
