As the calendar flips to a new year, a familiar promise echoes in millions of minds across India and the world: this year will be different. We start January with sparkling clarity and firm conviction, believing our initial momentum will define the next twelve months. The year feels full of potential, and our goals seem within reach. Yet, by the time summer arrives, a familiar pattern emerges. The expansive feeling of January contracts. Our well-intentioned plans begin to feel like heavy burdens. By December, many are left wrestling with disappointment, questioning why they couldn't follow through despite their genuine desire.
The Hidden Flaw in Traditional Goal-Setting
This common experience is frequently dismissed as a simple lack of willpower or commitment. However, insights from a specialised programme suggest the problem is more profound. Mihika Roy, a US-based ICF-certified life coach and founder of The Miracle Trail, has been conducting a programme called Intentional Year Ahead for several years. Designed as a reflective space, it encourages participants to look beyond standard resolutions and connect with what they genuinely wish to experience, not just achieve.
Through this work, a clear pattern has emerged. As months pass, many participants feel weighed down by their own intentions, especially as life's unpredictable circumstances evolve. This often culminates in year-end guilt for not achieving enough or for clinging to plans that no longer fit their reality. Interestingly, another group within the programme reports a starkly different outcome. These individuals speak of fulfilment and ease, even when facing unexpected challenges. Their success feels integrated, not exhausting. They progress with greater contentment not by pushing harder, but by staying engaged with the unfolding year.
Pressure vs. Fulfilment: The Critical Orientation Shift
The divergence between these two experiences isn't rooted in effort, intelligence, or ambition. It's a matter of fundamental orientation. Those who end the year fulfilled anchor their journey around growth, meaningful experiences, and a deeper sense of purpose. They are less attached to rigid, specific outcomes and more attentive to how the year feels as they live it. Their measure of success isn't just a checklist of completions, but includes how they grew, what they learned, and what experiences resonated. When life disrupts their plans, they adapt and recalibrate instead of collapsing into self-criticism.
This philosophy finds strong resonance in Matt Cooke's book 'Beyond Wanting'. Cooke's work, sitting at the intersection of philosophy, psychology, and lived experience, probes how our relationship with 'wanting' shapes our lives. He poses a pivotal question: what happens when wanting becomes our primary way of relating to the world? Cooke suggests that much of our dissatisfaction stems from a subtle misorientation. We often build intentions around admired ideals or absorbed expectations, rather than from a place of genuine inner alignment. The effort then feels disproportionate—not because change is hard, but because we're striving for lives we think we should want, not lives that feel authentically true.
Building Intentions That Endure
This perspective illuminates why so many New Year resolutions fail. Intentions built solely on fixed outcomes carry an invisible, constant pressure. When inevitable changes occur, the intention becomes a source of strain rather than inspiration. The individuals who found fulfilment treated their intentions differently. They saw them as compass directions, not binding contracts. Their primary questions shifted from "What do I want to achieve?" to "What do I want to grow into?" and "What experiences would make this year meaningful, even if my plans shift?"
This approach doesn't remove structure; it deepens it. Growth becomes the measure, experience becomes the marker, and fulfilment becomes the signal that the year is being lived well. To maintain this orientation, certain guiding questions can be revisited throughout the year, especially when motivation dips:
- Am I growing through this experience, even if it wasn't part of the plan?
- Does this choice move me toward fulfilment, or merely toward completion?
- When I look back, will this period feel meaningful or just productive?
- If I feel guilt, is it urging me to do more, or to realign with what truly matters?
These are not questions to answer once and forget. They are questions to live with, keeping the year responsive and co-creative.
The Practical Alternative to Broken Resolutions
As a new year begins, perhaps the most crucial inquiry isn't about what you want to achieve, but what you want to experience, what qualities you wish to grow into, and what you want to feel connected to as the months unfold. The people who end the year with a sense of fulfilment are rarely those who executed a perfect plan. They are the ones who allowed the year to shape them, even when it deviated from their expectations. The effective alternative, therefore, is not about wanting more intensely. It's about consciously choosing growth over guilt, meaning over mere momentum, and fulfilment over the exhausting illusion of total control.
