Raising Boys with Empathy: A Mother's Journey Against Toxic Masculinity
Raising boys has been a profound journey filled with unexpected lessons and deep insights. It has taught me that love can be both firm and gentle, that strength manifests in many forms, and that there is immense power in simply allowing children to be their authentic selves. As a mother of three sons, now aged 27, 33, and 35, I initially hoped for daughters but soon realized these boys were life's greatest gift to me.
Embracing Emotional Openness from the Start
From the beginning, I made a promise to myself: I would not raise my sons in stereotypical ways. This wasn't a grand feminist statement but an instinctive belief that boys deserve the full spectrum of emotions, colors, and freedoms often associated with girlhood. I wanted them to grow into men who could feel deeply, express themselves honestly, and treat others, especially women, with empathy and respect.
In today's climate, with the rise of the so-called "manosphere" and influencers like Andrew Tate promoting warped versions of masculinity, how we raise our sons matters more than ever. Boys seek identity, guidance, and belonging; if they don't find empathy and balance at home, the internet may offer them anger and dominance instead. Parenting boys with emotional openness is not just a personal choice—it's a form of cultural resistance.
Challenging Gender Norms and Fostering Individuality
One memorable moment involved my eldest son's favorite color: a bright cerise pink. In the early 1990s, finding pink clothes for boys was nearly impossible, but I managed to get him a pair of pink woollen gloves from Woolworths. He wore them everywhere until teasing at school made him reconsider. This experience highlighted how early the world imposes expectations on children and how fragile individuality can feel in the face of mockery.
It taught me that even with open-hearted parenting, the wider world has its own lessons. Perhaps the best we can do is make home a safe haven where children can regroup and remember who they are. This incident reinforced my commitment to letting my sons explore their interests without conforming to rigid gender roles.
Providing Permission and Language for Emotions
One of the most crucial lessons I learned is that boys need permission and language to express their emotions. From a young age, I integrated feelings into everyday conversations, asking "How do you feel?" as naturally as discussing dinner plans. I banned phrases like "boys don't cry" from our home, allowing tears and vulnerability as valid expressions.
We discussed anger, fear, sadness, and frustration not as weaknesses but as integral parts of being human. I emphasized that strength and sensitivity are not opposites; kindness, empathy, and emotional awareness are powerful forms of strength. Now, as adults, my sons are thoughtful, gentle men who can listen, admit struggles, and avoid hiding behind silence—a rebellion against societal pressures to "man up."
Encouraging Inclusive Relationships and Early Conversations
I always encouraged inclusion in friendships and relationships. Their birthday parties were never "boys only," and they grew up seeing girls as friends, teammates, and equals. Around ages 11 or 12, we had awkward but necessary conversations about caring, trust, and honest communication, providing a safe space for exploration without shame.
During their teenage years, I initiated early, honest discussions about love and sexuality, emphasizing that heterosexuality isn't the only "right" way. I taught them that love takes many forms, with respect and kindness at its core. These conversations are essential for raising compassionate partners, fathers, and friends, countering societal messages that might teach otherwise.
Supporting Diverse Interests and Creativity
I ensured my sons knew their interests didn't need to fit narrow definitions of "what boys do." They learned piano, football, and tennis, with two becoming talented musicians. None became star athletes, and that was perfectly fine. They also loved drawing, and our kitchen table was often covered with sketchbooks and colored pens. I never labeled creativity as a "girl's pastime," reinforcing that it belongs to everyone.
Parenting, I've learned, is less about steering and more about noticing—paying attention to what lights up your child and making space for it. When boys choose for themselves, they discover their true selves, fostering empathy, patience, and pride in individuality.
Witnessing the Fruits of Gentle Parenting
Today, my sons are men who listen, care deeply, and share emotional responsibilities in relationships. They treat partners with tenderness and friends with loyalty. A few years ago, when I was injured in a car accident, one son moved back home to care for me, bathing and cooking for me during recovery. This experience debunked the saying "A son is a son till he takes a wife," showing that love and compassion transcend gender, rooted in the values we teach and bonds we build.
Raising boys has been my greatest achievement and joy, teaching me to listen more, judge less, and appreciate the beauty in sensitivity. In a world where online influencers preach power over kindness and label empathy as weakness, my sons' gentleness stands as essential rebellion. The world needs more of that compassion and humanity.
I may never have had the daughter I once imagined, but in raising three sons, I've imparted lessons of compassion, courage, kindness, and self-knowledge. Those pink gloves, now tucked away, symbolize where it all began: a little boy who loved color and a mother determined to let him. They have shown me every side of love, and I wouldn't trade that for anything.
