Neelam Kothari Opens Up About Motherhood and Parenting a Teenage Daughter
Neelam Kothari, the beloved Bollywood actress who charmed audiences with her girl-next-door appeal and iconic dance sequences opposite Govinda in the 1980s and 1990s, has gracefully transitioned from the silver screen to a fulfilling life as a mother and jewellery designer. After stepping away from films in 2000 to focus on her family and business, she made a reluctant return to the spotlight through the reality series The Fabulous Lives of Bollywood Wives. Now, as a mother to a teenage daughter, Ahana, Neelam shares her insights on modern parenting, the challenges of balancing work and family, and the joys of raising a responsible child.
Navigating the Teenage Years with a 'Sorted' Child
In an exclusive conversation with Sidhi Kapoor, Neelam reveals that her daughter Ahana recently turned 13, but defies many stereotypical teenage behaviors. "I have heard stories that when kids turn teenagers, things really change, but I think I’m dealing with a very sorted kid," she says. Unlike many peers, Ahana shows no interest in tank tops, makeup, or social media, and prefers to stay out of the limelight. Neelam and her husband, actor-director Samir Soni, have intentionally kept her away from smartphones, fostering her love for music and books instead.
"As of now, I am not seeing any of those teenage issues. The moods fluctuate a little bit, which I believe is absolutely normal for this age. Apart from that, she’s a good girl. I feel blessed!" Neelam expresses, highlighting her gratitude for Ahana's conscientious nature.
Balancing Independence and Boundaries in Parenting
When it comes to setting rules, Neelam admits that sleepovers are a firm no, except for rare occasions with trusted childhood friends. However, she emphasizes that they haven't needed to establish many strict guidelines because Ahana is inherently responsible. "It’s difficult to believe, but she’s quite responsible and a conscientious child for her age. Samir and I don’t have to really tell her much. She knows her rights and wrongs pretty well," she explains.
Neelam contrasts modern parenting with her own upbringing, noting that today's approach requires more reasoning and friendship. "Today, you have to be more of a friend to your child. Even if you say to your child that something is not allowed, you need to have a reason. Today, it’s all about reasoning and giving a logical answer behind what you say to your child," she asserts. Key life skills she has instilled in Ahana include respect for elders and staff, which she and Samir enforce strictly.
Dealing with Mom Guilt and Career-Family Balance
As a working mother, Neelam acknowledges the inevitable mom guilt, especially during evening hours when family time is limited. "I go crazy sometimes! Luckily, if I am travelling, Samir is around, and vice versa. He manages and pitches in. It’s during evening time that mom-guilt kicks in. Things become a little more challenging for working mothers," she shares. Fortunately, Ahana is understanding, having grown up seeing her mother work, and even jokes about Neelam's trips abroad, asking about the earnings.
Regarding academics, Neelam notes that Ahana largely manages her studies independently, particularly in the challenging International Baccalaureate system. Samir, with his finance background, assists with math homework, while Neelam admits to struggling with the subject herself. "But largely, she manages her studies on her own, so we don’t really have to check on her studies and tests all the time," she adds.
Parenting Philosophy and Personal Growth
Neelam's best parenting advice centers on being a friend to your child and encouraging open communication. "Being a friend to your child is the number one thing. Also, allowing your child to speak, whatever it may be, is important. Let them speak their mind and encourage it," she advises. Non-negotiables in their household include respect for family, friends, and staff, as well as giving children space when needed.
Reflecting on how motherhood has changed her, Neelam reveals that she has softened from her earlier strict approach, now aligning more with Samir's lenient style. "I have realised it’s not worth it. It’s also because kids of this generation mature way earlier. They are so much more aware and intelligent. Today’s kids are more empathetic, too," she observes, crediting both modern schooling and home upbringing for this shift.
When asked about parenting regrets, Neelam confidently states, "I think I have done a good job, if I may say so. I may have been strict in the beginning, but I think it has paid off. Would I do anything different if I look back? No." Her journey from Bollywood star to dedicated mother showcases a thoughtful and evolving approach to family life, rooted in love, respect, and mutual understanding.
