Bollywood actress Gautami Kapoor has bravely detailed the intense psychological distress she endured following a massive wave of online trolling. The controversy erupted months after she mentioned gifting a sex toy to her daughter, Sia, on her 16th birthday during a podcast.
The Unforeseen Backlash and Personal Toll
Gautami Kapoor, 51, described the experience as coming "completely out of the blue." The podcast had been recorded four and a half months prior, making the sudden surge of negativity both shocking and bewildering. The actor, known for her role in The Ba***ds of Bollywood, emphasized that her comment was a personal anecdote about her unique relationship with her daughter, not a generalized prescription for other parents.
"Why am I supposed to justify that?" she questioned in an interview with Showsha. She and her husband, actor Ram Kapoor, pride themselves on having an open relationship with their children. "Some may agree, some may look down upon it. That's their opinion," she stated.
The vitriol, however, took a severe emotional toll. "I went into a kind of depressed state of mind," Gautami confessed. The barrage of hateful comments on Instagram led to sleepless nights and forced her to abandon the platform for nearly a month and a half. She described feeling unable to comprehend the cruelty directed at her as a woman and a human being.
Family Support and the Decision to Withdraw
While publications reached out for a counter-statement, Gautami wrestled with the decision to respond. Her daughter, studying in the US, advised her to relax, dismissing the uproar as transient social media noise. Ram Kapoor encouraged her to speak her mind. Despite having "a lot to say," Gautami ultimately chose silence as a form of self-preservation.
"I just kept silent, which is so sad because I had a lot of things to say, but I didn't want to hear the negativity... I wanted to get out of that toxicity," she explained, highlighting the painful compromise between expression and mental peace.
Expert Decodes the Troll Mentality and Its Fallout
Psychotherapist and life coach Delnna Rrajesh explains that such backlash against modern parenting choices stems from deep-seated fear and societal conditioning. "In Indian society, parenting is still treated as community property. Children are seen as extensions of family honour," she notes. When a parent publicly deviates from traditional norms, it destabilizes the moral order for many, triggering aggression.
This aggression manifests as dehumanizing trolling. "Trolling does not argue. It invades," Delnna states. The psychological impact is profound and very real: anxiety, depressive spirals, hypervigilance, and sleep disturbances are common. The brain processes digital shame and humiliation as genuine threats, activating the body's survival mode.
Delnna emphasizes that choosing silence, as Gautami did, is not weakness but a critical "self-preservation strategy" and a form of "containment" to prevent further mental health erosion.
The Generational Gap in Handling Digital Noise
An interesting contrast lies in how different generations perceive online outrage. Younger individuals, like Gautami's daughter, often understand the fleeting nature of social media storms and do not tie their self-worth to online judgment. Parents from pre-digital generations, however, may internalize the hate more deeply, equating public opinion with social survival, leading to greater isolation and confusion.
How Can Families Protect Themselves?
The expert offers crucial advice for navigating such hostile climates:
1. Seek Validation Within, Not Publicly: Understand that not every parenting choice requires public approval.
2. Reframe the Outrage: Recognize that trolling often reflects the unresolved issues of the troll, not the validity of your choices.
3. Build Digital Boundaries: Actively curate your social media experience. "Not reading comments is not denial. It is a regulation," asserts Delnna.
4. Foster Open Dialogue: Have honest conversations with children about the nature of online noise, teaching them that public opinion is not a moral compass.
5. Focus on the Relationship: Remember that parenting is a personal relationship, not a performance for public consumption.
Gautami Kapoor's ordeal sheds light on the very real mental health consequences of cyberbullying, urging a more empathetic and psychologically informed conversation around public figures, parenting, and personal boundaries in the digital age.
