Motherhood begins even before a child arrives and continues endlessly. The mother-child bond is fluid, evolving with time and taking different forms as children grow. Yet one aspect remains constant: the joy of motherhood. But is it solely about joy, or does it also encompass moments of doubt, exhaustion, and challenges? Once a mother, always a mother. The day a child is born, a mother is born too. Motherhood is a kaleidoscope of emotions that every mother experiences, complex to describe. Recent research has sought to explain this journey through the concept of the 'Triad of Work.' Meghna Yadav, Child Psychologist and Family Counsellor, shares the unspoken challenges mothers face and how to overcome them.
The Triad of Work: The Invisible Burden of Indian Mothers
Recent social science research has linked Indian motherhood with the 'Triad of Work': the simultaneous management of paid professional labor, physical domestic chores, and the invisible mental load. While this triad is a global phenomenon, the Indian context adds cultural layers of multi-generational care and rigid gender expectations that intensify the burden.
In the Indian Context
Research paints a stark picture of this imbalance. According to the Periodic Labour Force Survey (PLFS) and time-use data, Indian women spend nearly five hours a day on unpaid domestic services, compared to just 97 minutes by men. This creates a 'time poverty' trap. Furthermore, a report by IIM Ahmedabad highlighted that even in dual-income households, the 'mental load'—the cognitive labor of planning meals, school schedules, and social obligations—falls disproportionately on mothers by a margin of over 70%. Studies show that 87% of mothers shout at children for accidentally spilling milk in the morning, and close to 62% of working mothers have no mental energy left to reply to children's questions in the evening after a long day at work.
The story of stay-at-home mothers is no different when it comes to mental exhaustion. A study published in the Journal of Health and Social Behaviour in 2012 clearly indicates that when mothers are at home, their cortisol levels spike, biologically proving that being at home with children adds to the 'worry work' of mothers.
This triad is not just a personal struggle; it is a systemic reality that contributes to India's declining female labor force participation rate. Let us explore some solutions.
Solutions to Dismantle the Triad
To address this triad, experts suggest three primary shifts:
- Redefining Paternal Care: Research from the International Labour Organization (ILO) suggests that when fathers get involved in daily household chores, it sets a long-term precedent for shared domestic responsibility, reducing the mother's 'worry work.' Moreover, fathers need to break the mental barriers of 'mother will handle it.' The mental load needs to be shared, probably more than the physical care work.
- Corporate 'Flex-Agility': Beyond just remote work, studies in psychology journals show that 'outcome-based' performance tracking—rather than hours logged—allows mothers to integrate their triad of responsibilities without the 'motherhood penalty' affecting their career trajectory. This approach from organizations is found to reduce the professional labor load from mothers by around 50%.
- The Bucks Stop at You: For all women out there, the verdict is clear: you need to invest in yourself and decide for yourself! Choose the path that keeps you emotionally healthy. Take time out from home or work and grab a few moments for yourself during the day. Investing in your bond as a couple is another significant aspect to keep yourself free of the mental load of motherhood. Go out on dates again! Remember, even with your new role as parents, you do not cease to remain important for each other. Select three things that help you feel calm and relaxed and designate time strictly to do those for yourself, no matter what the day throws at you.
I leave it with you, mommy! You are unique, and your situations are unique, so only you can decide what works best for you. Talk to the mother in you; your child needs you to take care of yourself!
