For decades, being single has often been treated as a temporary stage rather than a valid life choice. The assumption is familiar: if someone has remained single for years, they must either fear commitment, struggle with relationships, or simply not care much about connection.
Psychologists and researchers have suggested the picture is more complex. Research is increasingly suggesting that many people who are single by choice are not avoiding intimacy; in fact, they value meaningful connections so highly that they would rather be alone than be in a relationship that is unsatisfying, incompatible, or emotionless.
Being Single Does Not Automatically Mean Being Disconnected
Popular culture has often portrayed romantic relationships as a major marker of happiness and success. Yet, psychologists have been challenging this narrative for years. While the pursuit of romance has dominated for decades, research increasingly suggests that being partnered does not automatically lead to greater happiness, and that relationship quality often matters more than relationship status.
A 2018 review published in Current Directions in Psychological Science found that long-term single adults are far from a uniform group. Researchers found that some people remain single because of circumstances, while others actively choose singlehood because it aligns with their values, lifestyle, and personal goals. The study challenges the idea that single people inevitably lead lonely lives or struggle to form close connections.
Some People Desire Deep Connections More, Not Less
While psychologists distinguish between the desire to connect with people and the desire for a romantic partnership, the two are not the same. Lifelong singles often cultivate and cherish meaningful relationships through friendships, family ties, and community involvement.
In fact, sociologist Bella DePaulo, in a long-term study of singles, found that many lifelong singles are far from isolated; many are deeply connected to their loved ones through a multitude of friendships, family connections, and community groups, and have not narrowed their emotional lives down to a single relationship.
It is the belief that strong, authentic connections are important in life, to anyone and everyone, that explains why many singles do not feel they are deprived of intimacy simply because they do not have a romantic partner.
Why Do Some Individuals Prefer Being Single?
Many individuals who are single by choice do so out of personal standards and not a lack of intimacy or desire for closeness. As dating apps have expanded the pool of potential partners, many people have become more selective and would rather stay single than enter a relationship that brings stress, conflict, or emotional dissatisfaction.
This trend is particularly notable among younger adults in Western countries, including the UK. Social norms have made long-term relationships and marriage a less defining aspect of adulthood than in previous generations, and research from the past decade indicates that psychologists believe it is time we reevaluated some of the outdated assumptions we have long believed to be true. Specifically, that everyone is out searching for a mate and simply has not found one yet.
The Increasing Acceptance of Singlehood
The discourse around singlehood has changed drastically in the last decade; many people now question if the timeline for happiness that they have always known is, in fact, the right path for them.
Studies focusing on long-term singles indicate that while some individuals are happy with the status quo that allows them independence and time over their lives, money, and decisions, they are not denying the importance of connection. Instead, they have concluded that some aspects of life are simply not worth sacrificing for someone who might not be a positive presence in their lives.
The Bottom Line
Psychological literature does not support the idea that everyone who chooses to remain single lacks a desire for connection. Instead, research suggests that many lifelong singles place a high value on meaningful and authentic relationships, and may prefer remaining single to entering relationships they view as unfulfilling or incompatible.
