Bengali Stars Share Intimate Memories of Growing Up with Strict Curfews and Cultural Boundaries
A deeply personal conversation unfolded recently at the Kolkata Centre for Creativity during a Baithakkhana session hosted in collaboration with the Emami Foundation. Titled "Seema chhariye jaachhe!" (Crossing Boundaries), the discussion tapped into a universal Bengali memory: the childhood curfew and the delicate negotiations surrounding it.
Navigating Discipline and Fear in Bengali Upbringing
The panel, moderated by Prithvi Basu, featured prominent Bengali actors Abir Chatterjee, Isha Saha, Jojo Mukherjee, and Anirban Chakrabarti. What began as nostalgia evolved into a layered examination of discipline, fear, gender dynamics, and the complex ways boundaries are established and challenged within Bengali families and society.
Abir Chatterjee: The Quiet Rebel Within a System of Discipline
Abir Chatterjee described growing up under "shashon," a system of discipline that constantly evolved but never disappeared. "There was always a question, how late is too late?" he reflected. Initially restricted to outings with elders, then daytime excursions, and eventually evenings, Chatterjee noted that doubt always lingered about permissible limits.
He acknowledged fear as central to this system, recalling childhood beatings with a touch of humor, and even admitting to "planning revenge" in his mind as a boy. His rebellion, however, remained subtle. "I never ran away from school. But I did bunk college," he confessed, describing how he would spend those liberated hours watching films in North Kolkata theaters—an early attraction to cinema.
Football provided another escape, exposing him to diverse backgrounds and friendships that "taught me things that rules never could." Even experimentation with smoking came with peer pressure. "At that age, you feel, if you don't smoke, where is the heroism?" he said, though he clarified he never continued the habit into adulthood.
Isha Saha: The Self-Imposed Boundaries of a 'Good Girl'
While Chatterjee spoke of external discipline, Isha Saha discussed internalized control. Growing up in a small town with a strong desire to be perceived as a "good girl," she created her own strict rules. "I would come home before 10, even if no one asked me to," she shared.
For Saha, fear was more social than parental. "Even if something uncomfortable happened, I wouldn't speak up. I was scared people would judge me, or blame me," she explained. She summarized her experience powerfully: "It's not that I was stopped—I didn't give anyone the chance to stop me." This conditioning persists today, with Saha admitting, "I think I'm still that 'good girl' somewhere."
Anirban Chakrabarti: Mastering the System Rather Than Rebelling
Anirban Chakrabarti approached boundaries with strategy rather than rebellion. Cultivating an image as the "good boy" in school allowed him to avoid scrutiny. "Teachers would ask, 'Anirban was there?' and then say, 'No, he wouldn't do this,'" he recalled.
Instead of breaking rules, he bent them. His involvement in television provided excuses to skip classes for rehearsals. "I would rehearse one day, and bunk the next two," he admitted. His brief experimentation with smoking ended in Class 8 when he found the taste terrible. Later, as a teacher, he experienced discipline from the other side, maintaining strict exam protocols to preserve authority.
Jojo Mukherjee: Extreme Freedom Meets Extreme Control
Jojo Mukherjee described a contradictory upbringing of extreme freedom and extreme control. Starting work young meant long hours away from home, yet domestic life followed "almost like military rule" under her strict mother.
"I didn't have to break limits, my mother had already drawn them so strongly that I lived within them," she explained. Still, moments of transgression occurred, like hiding a childhood injury from a puja outing because she feared her mother's reaction more than the harm itself.
Her most significant boundary-crossing came with marriage. "I suddenly decided, I'll get married today," she recounted, describing how she went to her partner's house and announced her intention to stay. This sparked negotiations, letters to her father, and a wedding arranged within days. "If a Bengali girl doesn't cross the line, I think I did," she concluded.
Cultural Reflections on Bengali Identity and Personal Growth
The conversation revealed how childhood boundaries shape adult identities in Bengali culture. From quiet rebellion and self-imposed restrictions to strategic navigation and dramatic personal decisions, each panelist's story highlighted the complex interplay between societal expectations and individual agency.
These shared memories of curfews and negotiations serve as metaphors for larger cultural conversations about discipline, freedom, and the ongoing process of defining personal boundaries within collective frameworks.
