NY Divorce Lawyer's Critical Advice for Women in Relationships
Relationships represent some of life's most complex emotional landscapes, and few professionals witness their unraveling more intimately than divorce attorneys. These legal experts have front-row seats to the transformation of fairy-tale weddings into bitter courtroom battles, observing how love stories can deteriorate into strategic conflicts and how "happily ever after" promises sometimes become nightmares beyond imagination.
Lena Nguyen, a divorce lawyer licensed to practice in California, Texas, and New York, has spent years observing couples divide their lives, finances, and futures in courtrooms. Through her extensive experience handling numerous separations, she has identified a crucial pattern that leaves women particularly vulnerable when marriages dissolve.
The Surprising Trait Women Should Embrace
According to Nguyen, it's not betrayals or explosive arguments that typically leave women most exposed during divorce proceedings. Instead, it's a specific behavioral trait that men commonly exhibit without guilt or hesitation—a trait women often avoid or feel ashamed to embrace.
That trait is selfishness.
"Here's one thing women should learn from men. It's how to be selfish. As a divorce lawyer, I've learned that male selfishness is not a flaw; it's a strategy," Nguyen stated in an Instagram video that has garnered significant attention.
How Men Approach Self-Prioritization
Nguyen advises women to carefully observe how men typically operate within relationships and broader life contexts. Men frequently choose convenience and personal advantage, selecting outcomes that make their lives easier without facing significant social criticism for these decisions.
"No one calls them heartless for it. They call them smart, strategic, practical," the lawyer explained.
She further elaborated on why men don't experience guilt when putting themselves first: "Men are not ashamed to prioritize themselves. They do not apologize for choosing what benefits them. They do not agonize over whether protecting their own interests makes them a bad person. They move accordingly, and they sleep just fine afterward."
The Conditioning of Female Self-Sacrifice
Women, in contrast, are often raised with completely different expectations and conditioning. From early childhood, many women absorb messages promoting self-sacrifice, learning to consistently put others' needs before their own.
"We are praised for selflessness, even when it costs us everything," Nguyen noted, highlighting how this socialization continues into adulthood.
The lawyer observes this pattern regularly in her divorce practice: "Men protect their money, time, energy, and future. Meanwhile, women walk in worried about being fair, being kind, being reasonable, even when fairness has never been extended to them."
The Tangible Benefits of Healthy Selfishness
According to Nguyen's professional observations, selfishness delivers concrete dividends that men typically recognize much earlier than women.
"When you choose yourself consistently, you get stability. You get options. You get leverage. You get peace. Men understand this instinctively," she explained.
Nguyen contrasted this with how women are often taught to ignore their own needs: "Men will leave relationships that no longer serve them without writing an essay about it. Men will say no without explanation. Men will protect their resources like their lives depend on it because they understand that, in many ways, it does."
She continued: "Women stay too long, give too much, carry emotional and financial burdens that were never meant to be theirs, and then they are shocked when they are burned out, resentful, and empty."
Redefining Selfishness as a Necessary Skill
Nguyen emphasized that her advice doesn't constitute a call to become cruel or uncaring. Instead, she advocates for what she terms "healthy selfishness"—a practice that ultimately benefits both individuals and their relationships.
"Healthy selfishness is not selfish at all," she clarified. "It is a call to become intentional, to stop confusing self-abandonment with love. It is understanding that your life should pay you back, not drain you."
The lawyer concluded with a powerful reminder: "Women, stop thinking selfishness is a flaw; it is, rather, a skill. The longest relationship you will ever have is with yourself. So stop apologizing for choosing yourself. Men know this, and it is high time women embrace it."
This perspective from an experienced divorce professional challenges conventional thinking about gender roles in relationships, suggesting that adopting certain masculine approaches to self-preservation could help women avoid devastating losses when partnerships dissolve.
